Today, the man who currently calls himself Barack Hussein Obama is celebrating his alleged birthday...an occasion for which, amazingly, we've been unable to find a Hallmark card. Mind you, we're told that such cards exist...but they're kept in a locked safety deposit box.
But even without a card from Hope n' Change, Barack Obama has plenty to celebrate today, including a very, very special gift from the State Department: in response to a Freedom of Information request, they've just announced that they "accidentally destroyed" the passport records of Obama's mother, Stanley Ann Dunham, making it impossible to say whether or not she was in the United States at or around the time of Barack Obama's birth.
The Freedom of Information request wasn't completely useless, though. The records which were not accidentally shredded reveal that Obama's mother married his Indonesian step-father, Lolo Soetoro, on March 4th, 1964 in Maui, Hawaii.
And, uh, again on March 15th, 1965 in Molokai, Hawaii.
The records also show that in 1965, Obama's mother listed his name as "Saebarkah," but in 1968 she decided to go back to calling him "Barack Hussein Obama" (which is not to be confused with his other name, Barry Soetoro).
Fortunately, there are still no hospital records of Obama's birth or long-form birth certificate to add to the confusion, and Hawaii has passed a law to prevent further inquiry into the alleged president's citizenship.
So just for today, we'd like to put all of that aside and wish Barack Barry Hussein Soetoro Saebarkah Obama many happy returns!
To wherever the heck he really came from.
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