Nothing takes the fun out of a fresh, unblemished new year like a centuries-old prediction that the Earth will come to an end in 2012. Seriously, who wants to get serious about dieting, exercising, or balancing the nation's budget when we're all going up in smoke in a few months?
The apocalyptic prediction is, quite literally, carved in stone - in this case, the ancient Mayan calendar. The stone calendar, hidden from view for thousands of years, was unearthed by archaeologists in 1790. But at that time, scholars had no way of knowing that the Mayan symbols for "Hope" and "Change" were meant as a dire warning rather than a benediction.
Frankly, Hope n' Change isn't overly worried about this terrifying prophecy, because the Mayan calendar is essentially a document produced by a government... and as we've seen all too clearly in recent years, anything created by a bureaucratic committee is unlikely to correlate with anything even vaguely like reality.
Still, just in case the Mayan calendar is a warning about the November ballot, we're going to do everything possible to avert electoral disaster.
And if Obama still wins? Well, then it's comforting to think there's at least a chance that flaming meteors will put us out of our misery before his next inauguration day.
On the plus side, he's given up using Greek columns for Campaign 2012.
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