Bumper Snickers

As always, click the cartoon for larger size

Today is President's Day. A time for us to solemnly reflect on the bold, selfless, country-changing leadership provided by George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, and ask ourselves why we now have a president who is attempting to win votes by giving away balloon animals made out of free condoms.

It's a question that deserves a serious answer, but isn't going to get one anytime soon because most voters can't keep any actual thought in their heads which is more complicated than a bumper sticker slogan. Which is why Barack Obama and his campaign team are now embroiled in a huge, Manhattan Project-style effort to come up with a new Ultimate Campaign Slogan for 2012, since none of the old ones can be re-used without causing laughter, tears, or possibly riots.

"Hope" and "Change?" Sorry - great name for a webcomic, but no longer anything that Obama can foist off on the public a second time. "Yes We Can?" - not so good, now that we know he couldn't, can't, and probably never wanted to.

And he can't exactly spin any memorable mottos taking credit for progress he's made on his promises to halve the deficit, end bipartisanship, stop earmarks, bring peace to the Middle East, end racial discord, or defend the Constitution.

Nor does he really want to run on what he actually has accomplished: adding trillions to our deficit, giving aid and comfort to the Muslim Brotherhood, sending the costs of healthcare soaring, and dividing the nation.

And so the job of his campaign team is to come up with a slogan that seems to mean everything while meaning nothing at all (hey, it worked last time). "Winning The Future" was floated for awhile, until the Whitehouse realized that the acronym WTF was a little too on the nose. "Greater Together" is getting a tryout, but might run into copyright problems since it's also the slogan of every labor union in North America. And, come to think of it, the People's Republic of China.

But given time and an endless amount of money, we're sure that Obama's team will eventually find a phrase to sum up his presidency which is short, punchy, and perfectly meaningless.

In fact, "Perfectly Meaningless" may be the slogan.

Obama's real bumper stickers (on the left) remind us, "If you can't say anything nice..."
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