Chicago Style

Michelle Obama dropped by the David Letterman show on Monday to explain to America that, when not vacationing or making fundraising trips, she and Barry are putting lots of time and effort into raising their two beloved daughters, "What's Her Name" and "The Other One."

Specifically, Michelle says that it's their goal to raise Sasha and Malia with South Chicago Values - because really, who doesn't think of family values when they think of South Chicago? Well okay, first they think of political corruption, gang activity, violence, riots, and crime...but then they think of family values.

Specifically, the family of Al Capone- or one of the many other Chicago families who redefined a "Sunday Drive" to mean standing on the sideboard of a speeding car while you blasted your criminal or political rivals (and honest citizens) with tommy guns. (By the way, this may also explain why Eric Holder is anxious to smuggle sideboards to Mexican drug lords).

Of course, the Obamas are starting the girls off on "Chicago Values" slowly and presumably with less bloodshed. As an example, Michelle says she instructs the girls "on how they talk to us...it's respect. And then we take away their stuff if they don't do it."

Nice.

And isn't that pretty much the same deal that the Obamas are now offering the rest of the American people - "Show us respect or we'll take away your stuff?"

But frankly, Hope n' Change isn't too worried about the Obama girls - because along with their "Chicago Style Values" they're also living lives of almost unimaginable luxury and pampering.

For instance, 13 year old Malia has been spending her spring break in Oaxaca, Mexico without parental supervision. And while we'd hate to speculate about what sort of mischief a 13-year old girl could get into in a spring break party town where Tequila flows as freely as Whitehouse lies, we're comforted by the fact that Malia's father - who has previously voiced worries about her getting knocked up "by mistake" - insisted that she take plenty of "protection" along.

Making it just a bit confusing whether she's being raised with Chicago Style values... or Georgetown University values.

"You shoulda remembered you loved your dog BEFORE you said you wouldn't eat your damn yams."
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